Gripped by Fear

As I left my house on Saturday night to run a short errand, my eyes became fixed on Sirius, one of the biggest stars in our small neck of the universe. I recalled a talk by Louie Giglio that I had seen recently wherein he used the size of the stars to point to the enormity of God. My thought, as I gazed at the star, was that the same God who holds that massive star in place, and even spoke it into existence, is the same God that holds my life together and in place.

I have been convicted lately that much of my life is gripped with fear. I spend too much time playing the “what if” game. I have actually felt afraid to even consider the incredible ways that God could use me for his glory because I know that this is best accomplished in many cases in the midst of suffering and hardship! In transparency I have to admit that I’m not so sure that I am willing to walk that road. I want to be willing, though. I want to declare with Paul that i want to know Jesus “and the power of his resurrection, and may share his sufferings, becoming like him in his death!” Perhaps God may never call me to walk through serious suffering, but I want to be willing nonetheless.

I have also been convicted that the biggest idol in my life is found in the people that I love the most…my family. My fear surrounds the possibility of anything ever happening to them. Now, I know that every man loves his wife and children and feels a certain sense of protection in regard to them. However, if I am ever unwilling to follow God because I am afraid of what could happen to my family, then I have placed my family in a position they should not occupy.

Now, I understand that when God gives a call, he also provides the grace needed to follow that call in obedience. But, I also know that whether he calls us into a potentially scary situation or not, we should be willing.

It all comes down to this…do I trust God? Most of us would say yes, but what do we say with our actions and thoughts? Like Dr. Del Tackett from Focus on the Family asks: “Do you really believe that what you believe is really real?” Dr. Tackett contends that the answer to that question is not found in words, but actions. I want to live in such a way that every move I make is based on complete dependency on God and complete trust in him, taking him at his Word.

Through all of this thinking and praying, I have come to this conclusion…My life is lived far more in comfort than it is in dependency in a God that is big enough to trust with everything. I want that to change.

Will you pray for me? Will you join me in breaking out of the mundane American lifestyle and living as if we are free? The church needs revival. May it start with me. People need to hear the truth of the Gospel. May they hear it from me!

It’s time for change.

I Married my bride, Erin, in 2003. We have 3 children: Emma, Elijah, and Lydia. I have served full-time on staff at Westwood Baptist Church, in Roxboro, NC, since summer of 2006 as Pastor of Students & Discipleship. I am currently enrolled at Southeastern Baptist Theological Seminary, pursuing my Doctorate of Education.

What do you think? I would love to hear your thoughts!

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